he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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