my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
