so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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