I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
