What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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