omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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