I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
