So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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