Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
