Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
