so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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