I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
