Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
