You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
