i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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