My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
