we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
