Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
