All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
