Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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