So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
