i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
