Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
