Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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