hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
