now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
