I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
