I faked an abortion last night.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
