new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
