So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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