Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
