i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
