PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
