Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
