She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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