If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
