Jerry, you need to find god
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
