Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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