Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
