and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
