Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
