Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
