I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
