i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
