good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
