Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
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