Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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