I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
