Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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