There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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