So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
