Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just high enough for therapy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
