How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
