perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
