Nicole vs. Life
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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