Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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