the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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