I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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