just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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