Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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