My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im holly from the hills drunk
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
