you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
