the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
