Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
