Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
