I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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