If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
