Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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