Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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