"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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