New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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