Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
