I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
