Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
