this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
