i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
