Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
