I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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