so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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