I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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