so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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