Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
