His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
