Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
