Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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