just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
