I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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