He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
