I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
