He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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