Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
