Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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