I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
