just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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