sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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