Apparently you make a good broom.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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