we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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