dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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