I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
