you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
