I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
