how can u be prego again
Don't make out with my wife yet
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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