it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize