I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
