I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
