I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Drunk is not a location!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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