dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
