His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
