Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
