People with herpes should wear stickers.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My ass is underappreciated
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
