is your mom at the bar?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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